Changing my perspective on life

Fortunately, the semester has ended and summer vacation has begun. Between completing work study at my college’s admission’s office, trying to keep my grades intact, and taking care of my siblings, I barely had time to sit back and relax.  Now that I am out of school and work, I can lay back and meditate on everything that went on this semester.  Though the soft sands and roaring blue waves of the beach is calling me, I would like to look back on how many changes I experienced this semester is changing my outlook on the world.

One of the changes that I experienced was working in the admission’s office. I was a scanner, that scanned important documents and verified them. Though I was working there for three to four hours throughout the week, I found ways to attend class on time and complete the assignments on time as well. Sometimes work would interfere with whatever time that I have to study for tests. I would ask supervisors to ask me to use whatever time I had from work to study with a tutor so that I could do well on my tests. Then my supervisor told me that it was the last day of work study, it hit me like a lightening bolt, but I did the best that I could to do at work. Fortunately, I ended up with B+’s in both of my classes, though I wish I could have done better.

I’d imagine my workplace to resemble this scenario

Image result for workplace environment

Instead, it looked more like this

Image result for workplace environment

Another change that I experienced was Donald Trump being inaugurated as the 45th president of the United States. Like the majority of Americans, I wasn’t ecstatic about the idea of this man becoming president. His bigoted, sexist and xenophobic rants on immigrants, women(White), Muslims, Mexicans, and Black Americans alienated me and many other Americans. His lack of political experience marked a spell for disaster as one executive order after another was enacted into law. His constant tweeting, and ranting  makes him look foolish in the eyes of many.  There are constant reports of him firing members of his cabinet along with him having liar like Kellyanne Conway represent his administration in public.  There has also been a conflict of interest with him running his business and his daughter, Ivanka’s own clothing line even though she isn’t an elected official.  Fortunately, his presidency hasn’t harmed my interests yet…….despite being of immigrant background, Black and female. Let’s tune in to the progression of the Trump presidency.

The most major change I experienced was cleansing my mind from indoctrination from frequenting the so called Black Woman’s Empowerment spaces and negativity in Black Feminist/Black Woman Centric spaces.  I was growing tired of having to modify my opinions not to upset anyone(these spaces don’t allow free thoughts to flow through unless it agrees with the BWE message.  If you do disagree, you are a Mammy), classist and elitest thinking, xenophobia, misogyny, and lack of unity among the members. I deleted my Facebook account to get away from the BWE, and stopped listening to Breuekelen Bleu a few months ago. I couldn’t take the constant negativity and going back and forth with these women any longer. For the past two years, my mind was permeated with their doctrine and the empowerment and progression of Black American women in society.  That all changed due to the backstabbing, name calling and lying I seen and experienced in these spaces. It made me doubt everything I had learned from the BWE-good and bad.  Now that I have left the movement behind, I feel relieved that I no longer limit my thinking to one idea or doctrine, because I was going crazy trying to keep up with these gurus.

I expected to see this when I was becoming interested in the BWE

This is more of what I saw in these BWE and Black Feminist spaces, but it was mainly online

Image result for Black female fighting

What didn’t change was my devotion to my family and taking of my siblings. My family means alot to me despite whatever issue I may have with them. My love of family and closeness to them outweighs whatever negativity that I face out in the world. Along with family, close friends have also been a major source of happiness and solace in my life. Though family and friends have been a constant force in my life, my mind and outlook continues to change.

I don’t believe in or frequent BWE spaces anymore. Nor do I identify as a feminist. Through my experiences with them, I learned that identity politics doesn’t work. What is the point of having your own spaces designated for a particular race, ethnicity, culture or gender when not everyone from the same group agrees on everything? Especially if this particular group is marginalized and lack political and social clout. What is the point of these spaces when the people in it can’t get along and find a way to solve the problems plaguing it? I understand that many people want to have their own spaces to express themselves especially Black women, but I don’t believe that it solves any of the problems in society.  Political correctness has also stifled the expression of individuals in society. One would have to walk on eggshells not to offend others in the name of political correctness. Or hide their bigotry to not come off as racist or reveal their true colors. My growing dissent with identity politics and political correctness has led me farther away from the far left and more centrist in my view of the world. I don’t automatically think that every Black woman is out for my best interests at heart.

Changing my perspective on the meaning of life has been beneficial to my psyche. These days, I look at the character of the person before I decide if I can trust them and keep them around, not the faux racial loyalty.  I am no longer obsessed or worried about what the opposite gender of my race thinks of me. Nor do I have irrational fear of certain groups of people anymore. I look at someone’s character and assess it before I find a way to interact with them in an appropriate way.  Life is too short to worry about frivolous and fickle matters.

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2 thoughts on “Changing my perspective on life

  1. I don’t blame you at all. I am glad that you are thinking for yourself. These women are still attacking each other online (in fact I’d say it has gotten worse) and as much as they talk about black men, they refuse to actually come together and create things with each other for the safety of black women and children. It’s truly sad. I’ve only met two other people who are truly dedicated and only one is a woman.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will admit my part in this nonsense too. I regret ever getting into the movement, but I needed an outlet to express my anger and anguish about the way many Black American women treat Black women. Little did I realize, I wasn’t doing anything any differently from the likes of Tommy Sotomayor or the Black MGTOW men. I am trying to get out of that mentality and work on myself instead.

      Like

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